What often helps
- Lead with care, not accusation (“I’ve noticed you seem drained after scrolling — want to talk?”)
- Focus on impacts (sleep, mood, school/work) rather than moralizing phone use
- Offer to help set device boundaries together
- Suggest offline plans that compete with scrolling in a positive way
- Share helpline information if safety is a concern
What usually does not help
- Public shaming or sarcastic “addict” jokes
- Surprise confiscation of devices (except limited cases with dependents and clear safety plans)
- Diagnosing them yourself
- Promising you can “fix” them alone
Before the conversation
Choose a calm, private moment when neither of you is rushed or upset. Think about specific observations rather than general judgments. “You’ve seemed really tired, and I’ve noticed you’re on your phone late most nights” is easier to hear than “You’re addicted.” Consider what you want: understanding, a shared plan, or connecting them with help.
During the conversation
- Open with care: say why you are bringing it up and that you are on their side.
- Share one or two specific observations.
- Ask open questions: “How do you feel after you’ve been online a while?”
- Listen more than you talk. Avoid interrupting or correcting their feelings.
- Ask what, if anything, they would like to change and how you can help.
- Agree on one small next step rather than a complete overhaul.
If they get defensive
Defensiveness is common and does not mean the conversation failed. Acknowledge their perspective, avoid arguing, and leave the door open: “I hear you. I care about you, and I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.” Raise it again later if concerns continue.
Supporting teens specifically
For parents and caregivers, the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on Social Media and Youth Mental Health recommends creating a family media plan, setting tech-free zones, modeling responsible behavior, and teaching children about technology. The American Psychological Association health advisory on adolescent social media use also stresses tailoring oversight to a young person’s maturity. Practical approaches include:
- Building rules together and writing them down (see the AAP Family Media Plan)
- Keeping devices out of bedrooms overnight
- Talking about what they see online without immediately punishing
- Learning the apps they use and their safety settings (see our parental controls guide)
- Watching for signs of cyberbullying, exploitation, or harmful content and reporting it
Supporting another adult
Adults make their own choices, so your role is support rather than control. You can share your concerns, suggest joint activities that do not involve phones, ask whether they would like help setting limits, and offer to help them find a professional if they want one.
Take care of yourself too
Supporting someone can be draining. Set boundaries, talk to someone you trust, and seek support for yourself if needed. You do not have to carry it alone, and you cannot fix someone else’s situation single-handedly.
Finding professional help together
If the person is open to it, offer to help research options: their primary care clinician, insurance directories, school or workplace counseling, findtreatment.gov, or the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. Offering to sit with them while they make the call can lower the barrier significantly.
Phrases that tend to help
- “I’ve noticed… and I’m wondering how you’re doing.”
- “You don’t have to have it figured out. I just want to understand.”
- “Would it help if we tried something together, like phone-free dinners?”
- “If you ever want help finding someone to talk to, I can help look.”
Phrases to avoid
- “You’re addicted.” (Labels can trigger shame and shut down conversation.)
- “Just delete the app.” (Ignores why they use it and what they would lose.)
- “When I was your age…” (Often heard as dismissive.)
Small changes in wording can make the difference between a defensive reaction and an open conversation. Keep checking in over time; one talk is rarely enough.
Frequently asked questions
What if they say I use my phone too much too?
They may be right. Acknowledging your own habits and making changes together can make the conversation more equal and more effective.
Should I take away a teen’s phone?
Removing devices can be appropriate for safety, but sudden confiscation often damages trust and may push use into secrecy. Agreed rules, gradual limits, and conversation tend to work better. Consult a pediatrician or counselor for concerns.
When should I call for help immediately?
If someone talks about wanting to die, has a plan, or is in immediate danger, call 911 or call or text 988 in the US. Stay with them if it is safe to do so.
If you are worried about safety
If someone may harm themselves, take it seriously. In the US, call or text 988, call 911 for immediate danger, or use findahelpline.com outside the US.
Not medical advice. See our Medical Disclaimer.